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Just Say No ...

{Part 3
written by hidebeetle}


"Hey, get a load of Batman and Robin."


"Over there. No, over there, by the cameras."

"Oh. That's not Batman and Robin."

"I get that, Dewey. Superman and Superboy. Whatever."

"Right. Which one's Superboy?"

"You got to ask?

"I dunno, I think he's more like Batman. Kinda psycho."

"He can't be Batman. He's red. Batman's black. I'm Batman."

"No, not him, him. He could be Robin, Robin's red. And kind of faggy. Wait, if they're Batman and Robin, you can't be..."

"You're missing the point."

"And what would that be?"

"Look at them. Total amateurs."

"Yeah, I see what you mean. Are you thinking what I'm thinking..."


"Yeah, television! The bright lights, the publicity, the exposure...wooh! Look at Vecchio run!"

"The guy can move, that's for sure. Quick, Welsh's office...damn. Fraser. Damn him. What the hell is the man thinking? He's Canadian."

"Hey, they've got drugs in Canada..."

"I know that. That's not the point."

"What's your point? Okay, okay, don't look at me like that. I'm not the guy who eats stuff off the floor around here."

"Yeah, Dewey, I know."

"Hey, what's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing. Never mind. Okay, okay, Fraser's going to bail out, he's talking about Eskimos. Quick. We gotta think of a routine."

"Something tough, yet funny."

"Serious, yet amusing."

"Pointed, yet tender."

"Batman, yet...okay, enough. It's got to be like a country song."

"Musical comedy. Yeah! We could have a singing anti-drug message, it'd be funny, reach the kids..."

"Memorable. Kids love that stuff."

"Okay, so now all we gotta do is come up with a song."

"Da da da da, just say no da da da..."

"No, no. Huey, I got it. Rap. Make it a rap song. Y'know, JUST...bam bam bam...SAY....bam bam bam...NO..."

"That's racist."

"It is not racist. It's fewer words. We don't have a lot of time to rehearse."

"It is racist. It's an implication, and the implication is that rap is black music, and so all those kids out there who are planning to use drugs are black."

"Are you kidding? Rap isn't black music. Everybody loves rap. What?"

"Do you love rap?"

"Well, no, but I'm a white guy."

"Do I love rap?"

"Of course not, are you kidding? The guy who wrote a quarter of the greatest country song in the world?"

"What do you mean a quarter? You wrote a quarter, I wrote at least half...God damn it!"


"Francesca Vecchio. They've cast Francesca Vecchio. She's not even a cop."

"Yeah, but she's got great legs."

"I've got great legs."

"Really? I've never seen your legs."

"That's because I wear quality suits."

"Well, maybe we could do something with..."

"Detectives Huey and Dewey! Has this suddenly become a critic's circle, or perhaps a peanut gallery? Because if you're interested in a new career, I'm sure we could help..."

"No, Leutenant, we were just, ah, passing through."

"Very well, gentlemen, carry on."