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Hearts in Shadow

{Chapter 3}

Always the same. Remy closed is door, very careful to avoid slamming it. He threw his bo-staff on his rumpled bedding and shrugged off his uniform coat. Unbuckled and pulled off his tall boots. Off with the rest of the uniform until all he wore was a wrinkled t-shirt and his own sweat. He caught sight of his own reflection in the dusty mirror and stared into his red eyes, mouth twisted with bitter rage.

Yeah, we need a distraction, Gambit. We need information, Gambit. Go make nice with the guards while we break into the complex. You can do it. No one says no to you, everyone wants you. And everyone looking at him, thinking one thing.

"Whore." Remy whispered to the mirror. "Slut. Pede. Cocksucker. Faggot. Yeah - that's all you're good for. Spread dem wide."

He pulled off the rumpled t-shirt and ran a hand down his chest, closing a hand on his flaccid cock. That's what he was good for. Narrow-eyed, he pulled on himself, faster and harder - angry as he remained soft. Finally with a curse, Remy threw himself onto his bed and closed his eyes. He was tired. That's all. He pulled his sleeping bag over his shoulders and tried to go to sleep. He hated New York, it was so fucking cold here.


Cold. He was so cold. Remy huddled against the rough bricks, and stared at the glittering knife in the man's hand. "Monsieur, no hurt Remy, s'v plait."

"Jes be 'a good chile and no hurting." The man came closer, still holding the knife and grabbed Remy's greasy hair. "We have some fun, eh, petite puson?"

"O-oui." Remy whispered. He was dragged by his hair away from the wall and forced to his knees in the filthy alley. He couldn't see anything of his attacker except the big silhouette and the gleaming knife in his hand. Remy looked past the man's waist, just a few yards away, the streets were crowded, brightly lit and noisy with mardi-gras tourists. No one saw him here, in the dark and dirt behind the glitter of N'Orleans.

His attention was yanked back to the man with the knife. The cold blade touched his face, sliding down his cheek like ice. Remy froze, staring wide eyed up at his tormentor.

"T'eifs get hurt, cherie. T'iefs can get very hurt, eh?"

"S'v plait - s'v plait." Remy begged in Cajun. "Non. Don h-hurt Remy. Not a t'eif."

"Aren't you, chile?"

"Non! Non!"

"Eh, w'at den?" The man laughed, low and harsh, flicking the tip of the knife across the child's lips and drawing a speck of blood. "I know - you a whore, chile? I think so. A whore - not wor't hurtin. W'at you t'ink, eh?"

Remy blinked back tears of terror and pain. "O-oui. A whore. Not w-worth hurtin. Jes a whore."

"Dat's right." The man stroked the knife down Remy's thin cheek and pressed the point under his chin. With his other hand, he unzipped his pants. "Open up, chile. Open wide, I got somethin' for y.'"

Remy did what he was told.


Remy sat bolt upright with a choked gasp and stared wildly around at the cluttered, dusty room. For a moment he didn't know where he was, then the thief recognized the boathouse. He'd kicked off the sleeping bag that was his bed and shivered at the spring chill.

He lay back down and tried to go back to sleep. Stared in silence at the bare ceiling then abruptly rubbed his mouth, then his cheek where the scar had faded a long time ago. He got out of bed and climbed into a pair of jeans and sneakers. Hauling on his duster, Remy headed towards the mansion.

The security wasn't any trouble, Remy had helped set some of it up, and he padded silently up to the east end of the house where Logan's room was tucked away under the eaves. Logan stirred and sat up in bed when Remy eased inside and shut the door.

"What?" Logan said sleepily.

"Get over 'ere, cher." Remy breathed, hands fisted in his pocket. "Get over 'ere."

Logan didn't hesitate, he swung out of bed and walked over in nothing but a pair of boxers. "Rem -"

"Shut up, homme!" The slim thief grabbed Logan and shoved him, roughly, to his knees. "Jus shut de hell up."

Remy stared down at Logan's wary face, breathing hard and shaking. He wasn't soft now - no he was so hard he hurt. Logan's eyes were lost in the darkness any sleepiness was gone, Remy could feel his alertness - worry, distrust - a thread of uncertain excitement. Remy stared down at Logan with a thin, unpleasant smile.

"Oui." He whispered. "Remy know what you are."

Logan reared back. "What the hell is goin' on with you Rem?"

The thief snagged a handful of Logan's black hair then pulled a small knife out of his pocket. He flicked it open and ran the tip across the other man's cheek. He could feel the roughness of stubble against the blade. Logan's anxiety sharpened but that was alright - that was the way it was supposed to be. He was supposed to be afraid.

"You jus' do w'at Remy say, homme and no one get hurt, eh?" Remy's hand tightened in Logan's hair; he was desperate to get off - get out of this - sick and hating himself and sick of the memories that haunted him. "Remy got some'tin for you."

Remy stroked Logan's face with the knife, the memories so strong tonight that he could practically feel the blade on his own skin again. But now he was the one with the knife. No one could do that to him again. He was stronger now. Remy was running the show. The whore on his knees would do what he wanted. "Open wide, petite pusson."

"No." Logan said quietly. Remy blinked.

"Whore -!" He hissed angrily and pressed the knife against Logan's cheek, just below his eye. "Do w'at I say!"

"No, Rem." Logan repeated. With Remy's hand hard in his hair and the sharp point of a knifeblade an inch from his eye, Logan didn't move - but he didn't obey either. "I'm not doin' this. Not like this. This isn't what - either of us want."

Remy stared into Logan's hidden eyes. This was supposed to be a game. There were rules. Logan did what he wanted. Logan did what he was told. Logan was the whore now. But it wasn't a game now, it wasn't the way it had been, and why had he wanted to use a knife on Logan? Remy began to shake, breath racing, his hand twitched and a bead of blood welled at the tip of the knife. Logan didn't stir, only watched Remy warily.

"Non -" Remy whispered, staring at the blood. "Non!"

He threw the knife across the room with a horrified cry and fled.

"Rem -!"

Logan did find him. Remy hadn't expected anything else and he huddled against an oak tree, deep in the shadows and waited for the inevitable words. He didn't think Logan would hit him, at least. He hoped not - except that maybe he'd feel better if Logan did.


"Logan." Remy whispered wearily, head hanging. His breath smoked in the chilly night and Remy wrapped his coat tighter around himself.

"What was that about?" Logan circled the tree, silent even in last years leaves, until he was standing in front of the cringing thief. Remy stared at the ground, no wonder he was quiet. Logan was barefoot. Remy shivered. "In there."

"Notin'" Remy shook his head violently. "Notin' - an accident s'v plait. Remy screwing up, das all. Remy not touch you - no more."

"I didn't say y'should keep yer hands off." Logan crossed his arms and sighed in a cloud of warm breath. "I said I wanted t'know what's up w'you."

"Notin'!" Remy cried. "Jus one fucked up, crazy t'eif, oui? Screwed up - fucked up - slut of a t'eif jus' messing up everyt'in he puts his hands on!"

Logan stared at him. "Why'd y'call me a whore?"

Remy closed his eyes. "Dat's all dat concern you? Remy nearly cut your eye out, homme!"

Logan snorted. "Y'won't be the first and y'trying t'avoid the question. Why'd y'call me that? Y'think I'm a whore?"

"You?" Remy shook his head. "Non - you not de whore here, cher."

"But you are?"

"Ain't dat w'at everyone t'inks?" Remy yelled. "Gambit de whore! Gambit - he fucks anyt'in dat don run fast enough away! Send Gambit in t'distract dem all! Remy - he easy! Remy take it up de ass for a hamburger!"

"Rem -"

"Dat's de way it is!" Remy flung at the Canadian. "You ain't de first in me - more people been in my ass den in gran' central station! An everyone know it! I'm a whore - dats all I am!"

Logan shook him and Remy broke off with a gasp. "That's enough, gumbo. Y'think Cyke's a whore? St. John? Jubes? No? Me?"

"No -!"

"Yeah, well Scott was on the street for months before Chucky found him. Same for Jubes and if y'think I wasn't gettin' fucked by Weapon X up one side and down the other - " Logan broke off and shook his head, hands tightening briefly on Remy's shoulders before he let him go. "We all did shit to live, Rem. Bad shit. Stuff that left us hurtin'. It don't make you a whore if all the stuff - I - I did don't make me a monster."

"Non - cher!" Remy reached out gripping Logan's hands. "You're no monster, cher. Remy t'ink you're the best of de lot of us."

"If the crap the team's asking y'to do ain't what y'want - say so, dammit!" Logan snapped as his hands tightened around Remy's fingers gratefully. "They'll push y'around - it ain't meanness - they'r just lazy. The first year I was with 'em - hell, they never said so but they had me doin' their dirty work for 'em 'till I told 'em to fuck off. If they wanted some slob beat up - they had t'learn to do it themselves."

"Angel said -"

"Yeah, well I've know beer smarter than he was!" Logan interrupted roughly. "No one sets any store by what he says an' none o'the others think y'a whore."

Remy shook his head.

Logan leaned in close, breath warming Remy's cheek. "Y'think I'm a whore?"

"Remy said no."

"But I wanna suck your cock." Logan whispered. "I been thinkin' about it for a while. Wonderin' what y'taste like. What's that make me?"

Remy shook his head, trembling. He could feel the truth in Logan's voice. The honesty. The desire.






"NON!" Remy cried. "You're not dat - not like dat!"

"Yeah?" Logan ran his hand down Remy's chest to cup his crotch. Began to knead gently. "An if I ain't a whore, a cocksucker, a faggot - what's the French word? - an I wanna suck yer cock then y'cant be niether. I like it when y'go down on me. I like it when we fuck. You like too?"

"Remy like -" His voice was shaking. He liked it. The feel of Logan inside him, the touch of him. The way he tasted. His cock swelled eagerly and Remy's head fell back against the tree trunk. "Remy like all dos things."

"An I like those things. And I ain't no whore so you ain't neither." Logan kissed Remy softly, kissed his closed eyes, his chin, the cheeks wet with tears. "Y'beautiful Remy, sweet as honey, fine - very fine and y'no whore. Y'like t'feel good and that ain't no crime. S'blessing t'still be able to let go like y'can - ask Cyke or his lady 'bout that. Or me. Hell, I gotta get tied up t'let go. Y'got a history and y'got the scars t'show for it. But it don't make you a whore. Y'got me?"

Remy nodded hesitantly then turned to kiss Logan again. Warm kisses in the cold night, warm hands under his coat, tracing his body, Logan pressed warm to him a heavy thigh sliding between Remy's legs to push against his stiff cock. "You de one w'it the charm, cher. Make me believe anyt'ing you want."

"Good." Logan growled. "Cause I want you to show me how t'give y'head. I wanna suck you off."

"Deiu!" Remy gasped, cock surging. "Logan - "


Remy could hear the grin in his voice as Logan sank to his knees in front of Remy and looked expectantly up at him.

"Show me."

Panting, Remy stared down at Logan for a long moment. The Canadian didn't move, only waited. Finally Remy unzipped his pants and eased his rigid cock free, staying hard despite the cold. He saw Logan lick his lips and Remy's whole body twitched. "Cher - dis w'at y'want?"

Logan grinned. "Hell, yeah."

Remy curled his hands into Logan's thick hair and drew him closer. "Den kiss me, cher. Kiss my cock."

Logan touched his lips to the tip of Remy's cock, tongue flicking out to taste the moisture at the head. Remy shuddered, staring down at the dark head clasped in his hands. Soft lips against his aching shaft. The whisper of breath. He was so hard. Never been so hard, his cock felt three times normal size - like he was going to explode on the spot.

"Like that?" Logan whispered, so close his lips brushed Remy's cock.

"Ahh - merde - Logan, you a tease." Remy gasped, eyes fixed on the sight of Logan on his knees. "Don stop."

Logan kissed him again then responded to Remy's gentle tugging and mouthed his way down the stiff shaft. Remy just quivered helplessly ever time Logan's mouth touched his burning cock. The Canadian braced one hand on Remy's hip, the other moving to unzip his pants and pull his own cock free. Remy groaned again - stunned to think of Logan jerking himself while he sucked Remy's cock.

Logan was licking him now and the thief couldn't think of anything else. Stared at his own glistening shaft and watched that mouth move on him. Felt the fever ache of pleasure - want - hunger. The tip of his cock was just drooling with pleasure. The Canadian snuffled in his pubic hair, breathing deep. Smelling him, Remy realized. Moaned and dragged that perfect mouth to where he wanted it.

"Cher - cher, come on, cher." Remy panted. "Take me in dat mouth. Remy dying for it."

The head of his cock dragged across heavy stubble, leaving a slick trail and making Remy whimper. Soft lips touched him, soothed him - opened and he sank into the velvet heat of Logan's mouth. Stiffened, hand clenched in Logan's hair until he could control himself and Remy was sure he wasn't going to come right then. He didn't want to come yet. He wanted this to last forever.

But Logan was sucking on him, Remy whined, hips twitching forward. Logan's hungry mouth took him deeper, tongue coaxing, stroking. Beautiful. Beautiful mouth wrapped around his shaft, Remy rocked his hips, watching his cock slide in and out as he thrust shallowly. Logan's arm brushed against his shin occasionally as the other man pulled at his cock. He could spend the rest of his life like this.

Logan shifted forward, taking Remy's cock deep then he gagged suddenly and flinched back. Tried again, sucking him - choked.

"Damn it!" Logan pulled free, a strand of saliva trailing from the tip of Remy's cock to his lips and the sight - obscene, intimate - made the thief shudder. "Show me - I want -"

The Canadian's voice was undignified, shaking. Frustrated. Remy ran his fingers over his face soothingly. "Easy, cher. Der a trick to it. Here - swallow, s'v plait. Swallow when Remy push in. Don suck. Relax and swallow -"

Remy cupped one hand under Logan's chin, the other on the back of his head and eased his cock back in, biting his lip. He was trembling, almost scared. He wanted this to be perfect, he ached with tenderness as Logan took him in again, tried to swallow him down and gagged. Remy stroked his throat, pushed gently. Crooned under his breath. He'd never had to show anyone how to do this before - it scared him that Logan wanted him to be the first. Logan wanted him like this so much. It awed him that Logan wanted to share this with him. With him. He'd never been anyone's first.

"Ahh - der - der, cher. Relax for Remy, you so beautiful. So good. Cher - amourex." Remy breathed, not knowing what he was saying, pouring the words out as he stroked Logan's throat, rocked forward and held on through the brief choke, pushed again. Logan swallowed, throat flexing and Remy followed the motion with his cock - slid in. Deep. All the way.

Logan's hand tightened brusingly on Remy's hip and he pulled back almost immediately. Remy whined. Logan swallowed him down again, determinedly. Remy soothed him, tracing the wet lips with his finger, letting Logan control the pace. Keeping one hand on his chin just to feel the way his throat moved as Remy fucked his mouth. Couldn't stop the rhythm now. Thrusting, shallow, shallow then deep. Logan sucking eagerly, jacking himself in the same pattern.

Couldn't stop. Logan making these muffled noises. Hungry. Liking Remy. Liking Remy's cock. Sucking him. Letting Remy do this, letting Remy sink into his throat. Letting Remy be the first to do this. Loving it so much that it was making Logan come too.

"Aah - ahh! Logan -!" Remy wailed, stiffening, hips hitching forward as he shot into Logan's mouth. Cried out, nearly screaming, as he felt Logan' swallow, gag - Remy pulled back with a whimper. The Canadian gave a choked cry, coughing. His hand pumping hard for a couple of strokes then he groaned and came, spilling into the leaves at Remy's feet.

Knees weak, Remy sank down and kissed Logan. Tasted himself in the other man's mouth with a little shock, still not quite believing what his cock knew so well. Logan's mouth. Around him. The other man was breathing hard, catching his breath. Remy brushed little kisses over his face, stroking him, murmuring reassuring nonsense.

"S'good?" Logan asked, teasing - but Remy was aware of the vulnerability hidden behind the tease. Logan was anxious, wanting to know he'd pleased Remy.

"Ahh - cher, you de best at everyt'ing you do, eh?" Remy murmured in his ear. "Everyt'ing."

Logan chuckled, pleased. "You got that right, Rem."